My world is crumbling. (Or so i thought)

My world is crumbling. Or is it all just in my mind? Am i unconsciously want to be sad? But aren’t feeling sad is just too damn easy? Going with the flow. Let all the burden consume you. Make yourself sink in your own mind. Makes excuse for everything, cancel plans, procrastinating works, no effort to be a better person.

So I wonder, is being sad actually choice or it's just a temporary feeling that always come and go?

So why it's sticking up with me this whole time?
I might say sadness is even addicting.
Loneliness is also adicting.
Being hurt is also addicting.
All the bad things also addicting just like good things.
It's comforting in the worst possible way.

Once I read a book that said human always find a problem to be resolve. Maybe... For me it's this constant sadness and Im keeping that until I got a new problem.

Or perhaps sadness is the only feeling that could remind me that I still am a human.

I wonder, what if it’s just the way I wanted to be? What i want people to see me as a melancholic one.

Feeling sad in the happiest moment.
Anxious because of some good things that happend to me. Always blaming herself. Bad things always happen to her. Blahblahblah.

So if I have the power to choose to be sad, why it's not the same as happy?